• Introspection ahead.

    new design

    New shawl design, fingering weight merino. Warning: ramblings follow this pretty photo.

    I didn’t start out 2014 in a strong manner, with good intentions and focus and all that. Instead, I limped into it with illness, some yucky health issues (I have seen the doctor, working it out), no plan for the year, and NO COFFEE due to aforementioned health issues! The knitting continues as it always does, but thinking? My brain feels like mush topped with self-pity, with a big dollop of exhaustion stirred in.

    It’s halfway through January and I already feel like I’m wasting my year. I feel left behind, obsolete. I tend to fall into the rather deep well of feeling not good enough. Not interesting enough. Not wacky enough. Not smart or innovative enough. Not creative or unique enough. Not fast or prolific enough. Not writing a book. Not making enough money. Not one of the cool kids. Left out of professional and social stuff because I’m not interesting or skilled enough. I hear it’s not reality, but it’s the way it feels.

    So what do I do? I love my job – designing, writing patterns, making pretty things for other people (hopefully you!) to knit. I know all the business books will say I need to grow my business, think bigger, do more promo and marketing and all that. But what if I don’t want to? All that stuff feels false to me. I’ve never wanted to be the Most Famous Knitting Designer or even a little bit famous, as long as I could support myself and my wee family.

    I guess if I don’t want to do all those Big Things and get my business moving, I should work for someone else who can handle those things, get a DayJob to make money and push design off to the side. It would be nice to have the regular money and stability. At the same time, I just don’t know who I am without being a knitting designer. I can’t see giving it up, at all.

    Forgive my ramblings. I’m really not much of a writer, and I’m very introspective either! I hesitate to put so much of myself out there, on the internet, for all to read. I suppose all this has just built up for long enough that it finally bubbled over onto the page (screen).

    I’m great at telling other people to take care of themselves, but I know it feels self-absorbed. Everyone has problems! Some people have WAY more problems and far less money than you! Stop feeling sorry for yourself! It doesn’t really work that way, does it?

  • every day I’m stitchin’

    The package came a little while after Christmas, but Dale got me the materials for the Superhero Sampler! I used to cross stitch some when I was a kid, and I did the Winterwoods Sampler a couple years ago, but this will be my biggest cross stitch project ever! (Apparently I never took a photo of the finished Winterwoods sampler, which is still hanging around without a frame. I should get on that.)

    Dale gave me all the materials for the Superhero Sampler!

    I don’t have a lot of embroidery supplies anymore, so I improvised. One evening’s work was cutting up tissue boxes to make bobbins, and winding off all the floss.

    floss box

    Then I could get started. I finally learned the loop start, rather than using a knot.

    beginnings

    I started from the center, so my first completed letter is M.

    M

    Super fun! It’s going to take awhile, but it’s a lovely change of pace.

  • tourist yarn shawl

    One last Christmas present to share with you – this lace-and-stockinette shawl, for Dale’s mum.

    gift shawl

    gift shawl

    gift shawl

    This was a pretty awesome, easy knit from December. I used a pretty special skein of yarn, Fyberspates 4ply cashmere/silk. I picked it up at Purl City Yarns in Manchester when I was there a couple of years ago, I just couldn’t resist the colour and AMAZING softness! I knit up a simple top-down triangle with wings (increasing on the ends every row), a little lace for every 20 rows of stockinette, and more of the lace at the bottom. I think it came out really nicely, and was well received.

    new sweater

    It’s bitterly cold here, though not as cold as parts of the US! Still, I wish this sweater in Osprey I’ve been working on was done and not just in progress! I don’t have to go anywhere today, but I did agree to go to the dentist tomorrow morning and the temperature is supposed to be -21C with a windchill of -35C (-6/-31F). Yikes. Stay warm!